GTA 3 Alternate Universe Script Part IV (Claude Speed's Gameplay Dialogue/Quotes) - Claude Speed (voiced by Jason Mewes)

Collisions with other vehicles (0-2 stars)

Where'd you get your driver's license - a bag of Cracker Jacks?!

Hey, I just got this car!

Are you blind?

You'd better get your eyes checked!

You didn't see me? How?!

I can't help the roads around here are piss poorly designed!

I can't drive fifty-five either!

I don't believe in speed limits!

I have places to go, move it!

You'd better re-take the driver's exam!

Is it so polluted here that you can't see?

I believe you hit me!

Why don't I sue you?!

They let fools like you drive here?!

Collisions with other vehicles (3-6 stars)

Quit that! NOW!

I hope that really hurt you!

Out of my way RIGHT NOW!

Do not impede me further!

Don't annoy me again!

Cut it out!

Did you bribe the authorities for your license?!

I don't have time for this crap!

Not the car - shit!

You need serious help!

Running over NPCs (driving)

What - I thought this was asphalt!

What - I thought this was the road!

Couldn't you have walked somewhere else?

You were a sitting duck!

Another one bites the dust!

Call the cops, I don't care!

Well, get out of the way you idiot!

Well like get out of my way!

You didn't see me coming through?

Now you just gave my car a coat of red!

Splat!

Paint the town red!

Fighting

Stay down, already!

Stay down!

You're still in it, huh?

You're dead meat!

Fight me you sissy!

I'm a crazy maniac, let's go!

You wanna another round of this?

Flawless victory!

You want it? Come and get it!

Try and take me down, hard man!

I'll tear you apart!

Aiming/shooting

I don't mind doing this.

You shouldn't have messed with me.

I'm putting you out of your misery.

You're dealing with a professional maniac.

You've reached your expiration date.

I'm not joking.

You are so asking for this!

SHUT UP!

Now you've pissed me off!

That's for pissing me off!

Run while you still can!

You made a big mistake, pal!

Run off and cry like a girl!

Go to hell!

You think I'm enjoying this?!

Think this makes me happy, huh?

If you get up, I'll shoot again!

You're on a highway to hell!

It's the end of the road for you!

Don't try this at home!

Time to face the music!

I'm not fooling around!

Being chased by police (1-3 stars)

I was acting in self-defense!

Go nab someone else to meet your quota.

Scram, you pigs!

Hey isn't the donut shop closing soon?

I think you had too much coffee, officer.

Don't you have enough people behind bars?

Surely you've got the wrong guy, officer.

I'm just a tourist, officer!

Chase your ego, not me officer!

I'm a private citizen!

Get bent!

I was just walking around!

See you later, alligator!

Being chased by police (4-6 stars)

Give up already, will ya?

I'm starting to really lose it here!

Give me a break already!

You wanna get added to the obituaries section next, asshole?

Quit it or you're next!

What more do I have to prove?!

God give me enough strength!

You're not getting a medal for this, just can it already!

See, you can't even keep up!

I'm a tactical genius!

You having fun yet, officer?

Kiss my ass, officer!

What, is this on T.V.?

None of you scare me!

Stealing an occupied vehicle

Get out of the car!!

Get outta the car!

I'm gonna need your car!

You drive too slow, let me show ya how it's done!

I need this more, now give me the car!

This ain't your lucky day.

Just go and get another new one!

You're covered by insurance, so get out.

Now keep quiet about this, alright?

I need your vehicle, it's nothing personal!

Just keep cool and you'll not get hurt.

Being arrested

I know people, ya hear me?

Alright, alright, don't shoot!

It's gonna be hell for you when I get out!

I'll see you in court!

I hear the police chief is a coward!

I know my rights!

Oh, get lost already!

What did I do this time?!

Just wait until the judge sees me - he'll let me off!

The prosecution doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell!

I need the number of that law firm I heard on the radio!

Look, I was an innocent bystander!

Do you know how many cells I've broken out of, officer?

Yes, I know the drill.

Wipe that smile off your face!

You laughing now, big shot?!

I'm so used to this, a jail cell's my second home.

I bet the victims won't even press charges!

Yeah, treat me like a fly on fly paper, will ya?!

Oh, screw this!

You really think you're serving justice, officer?

Nice badge - NOT!

Being carjacked

Now I just got this car!

Give me the car back!

Give it back now, moron!

That is so untoward of you!

You inconsiderate prick!

Hey, not cool bro!

This is so like uncool, man!

Turning the tables on me, huh? Not cool!

I'm not the sort of person you do that to!

Oh drive it in the bay already you dumbass!

You better not let me catch you!

Getting up after being hurt

Ouch!

Arrgghh, that hurts!

Good grief!

Oww, that hurt!

Oh, I hate it when this happens!

Where's a paramedic when you need one?

Where's a first aid kit?

I forgot to carry aspirin on me!

OH LORD WHAT HAVE I DONE?

I should see a doctor stat!

Picking up money

This is going to charity - ME!

Cool, I'm taking this to the bank!

Thank you, now stay down!

Thank you, thank you very much!

I gotta direct deposit this fast!

You should've gotten a savings account, dipshit!

You should've lived a better life!

Some money's better than none.

Maybe I oughta put this in the stock market!

No such thing as too much money!

NOTE: Grand Theft Auto, Grand Theft Auto III, the Grand Theft Auto III logo, and the character model of Claude © by Take-Two Interactive, Rockstar Games and DMA Design/Rockstar North. I am not affiliated with Rockstar Games, Rockstar North or Take-Two Interactive in any way.